Does My Body NOT Want to be Healthy??

Sometimes I wonder. Sunday and Monday of this week I hated my uterus-my womb, they very thing that makes me a woman, enabled me to receive the most precious gifts God has ever given me--I hated it!

For about seventeen days now, I have not been able to get my pants on. Pants I wore one day were not at all comfortable the next, then gradually, each day, they are further and further from buttoning at all! Saturday I went to MeHarry Dental Clinic, for a student to fix one of my teeth as part of their licensing exam. It was five hours of sitting. So when my back was hurting so bad on Sunday morning, I chalked it up to all the sitting the day before and my spondylosis.

Determined not to live my life in a stupor induced by pain relievers, I don't keep anything for that. The day went on, just in slow motion. I canned the last seven quarts of potatoes I had and chopped and froze eleven quarts of onions. My boy friend helped by doing the lifting and going up and down the stairs to the basement. He got a pillow and put behind my back in the kitchen chair. Such a gentle, sweet and understanding man. By 8:00 p.m. I was more than ready for bed. The pain had wore me out but surely eight hours of sleep would fix that. . .

 Monday morning rolls around and the alarm goes off. I roll out of the bed realizing I am still in pain and the "period" part of the bleeding has begun. Okay, usually its not the first day that is so heavy, I have a dental appointment with my regular student today, no problem. WRONG! Between 4:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m. I changed very soaked pads seven (yes 7) times!!! Okay, no way I can ride an hour to Nashville, then sit four hours for the dental student then wait around til my 1:00 p.m. appointment with the Oral Surgery Clinic for a consultation. So I cancel, explaining truthfully what is going on and decide that I am not making another appointment until something can be figured out about slowing, if not stopping, the blood flow.

See, the GYN wrote me script for Progesterone Injections (to be taken IM every 3 months) with the caveat I take a full (325 mg) aspirin every day as a deterrent to Deep Vein Thrombosis. Understandably, I can not have dental work done with that much aspirin in my system. I have to not take the aspirin for 5-7 days before a procedure and they are working on me every week. So no aspirin, no progesterone.

Monday was spent running to the bathroom to clean myself up and as the master bath is in the master (only) bedroom, I stayed in there most of the day, cleaning out and organizing.

The weight gain, swelling in my abdominal area is so bad that two Fridays ago, I went shopping and tried on every pair of pants, I moved around, bent over, sat down, squatted  did all the gyrations to make sure they fit before buying them. (I shop at a local second hand store that supports local underprivileged no returns) On the Tuesday after, all but one pair was tight. As the days went one, they got smaller and smaller. I promise I have not gained fat or muscle weight that fast. It is all in my lower abdomen, it will go away eventually. In the meantime, I wear one wardrobe. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, I can pull out the smaller, noting but me, wardrobe!

Just as a pregnant belly pulls on the lower back and causes pain, this swelling of my uterus is pulling on my back, causing the spondylosis to be worse and the pain is b-a-d bad! I feel like I need to get a maternity belt to hold the extra weight of my Adeno diseased uterus off my back!

The disease of Adenomyosis also saps your energy. Saturday when I got home around 5:00 p.m. I laid down on the couch to watch some television. At 5:00 a.m I woke up, crawled in the bed and actually got up, not tired around 7:30 a.m.!!! I am tired all the time. Some days are worse than others but I have not been at my best and energized in years now.

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Learning to Love Again--My Own Body

Now, I am not perfect in my thought process--like all humans (not just women, men too) I have always had issues with my body. Yet I have always been in touch with my body and loved it. For the most part, again not perfectly, I have taken care of it. Being a female and having moons (menstrual cycles) has never been regarded by myself as a sickness or curse or anything else negative. As a matter of fact I thought it a blessing.

Blessing you say? Why, YES! It sets us apart as women, as the life bearers of the human race. It is our "secret".

I have been in such connection with my body I always knew when I ovulated. I knew exactly when each of my babies was conceived. This gave me the unique privilege of knowing each of them  for 9 months (on average) longer than most women know their children.

I love my stretch marks and would never wish them away. They are a testament to those beautiful children and that I was blessed enough to be able to have children.

The effects of gravity and being pregnant 12 times has taken a toll on my breasts but how beautiful! No breast lifts are in my future.

There are wrinkles on face from smiling and laughing through all the good times and worrying through all the rough times. My reminders that Creator is wonderful and loving and life has lessons.

My hair? Well, I do wish it was almost to my knees again and it dries out and breaks and its stick straight and will not hold a curl more than a few hours IF it takes. But I care for it. I oil it and I braid it to protect it. I spend more than I'd like to get nice boar bristle brushes. Yes, there are gray hairs, right in the front! A testament to the whole world that I have been blessed to live long enough to get them.

My belly? Well, I could truly use a tummy tuck after a real good liposuction but that is just proof Creator has always blessed me with food to eat.

The varicose/spider veins in my legs and face? Just one more reminder that my Mama is also my Mother--no abortion, secret adoption or refusal to conceive at all. The ones on my cheeks actually just look like a gentle blush--no need for blush!

The funny toes that look sort of like a lawn mower ran over them and hit a few and missed some others? Well, another testament to my Hatcher blood from my Mama, so what if I have to use polish on the skin to fake toenails on them because the nails on several of them will just fall off every so often.

When I look in the mirror, I see me, in all my glorious beauty that the Creator has bestowed upon me.

But the hidden things, on the inside, have given me a false reason to begin to not love my body as much as I used to . See, I don't just have Adenomyosis. There is also Rheumatoid Arthritis, Psoriasis, Edema, Borderline Hypertension (that used to be full blown), Migraines, Spondylosis, COPD, and all the side effects and side conditions caused by these things. Sometimes it is too much to bear--add in life it self which has a way of getting in the way of living at times, and I become explosively depressed at times.

I do not want life to end (well, I understand that it will one day) but I seriously want it to be better. Living with constant pain, allergies and bleeding (from the Adenomyosis) is beyond aggravating at times.

The Adenomyosis is the worst for me right now. The other things have been constant companions for such a long time they are just old friends.


Rheumatoid Arthritis has its advantages--it gives me another reason to keep moving-so I don't lock up. Spondylosis keeps me ever mindful of my posture and proper body position when lifting, walking or doing other things. Edema reminds me to eat less salt and more fresh fruits and to take those needed rests (work an hour, rest 15 minutes with feet up). COPD reminds me to take it slow and easy-enjoy life and smell the roses. Migraines remind me to not do the things that trigger them-chemical air fresheners, worrying, and to take my allergies seriously.

Pain reminds me I am alive.

Notice Adenomyosis is not in that paragraph? I have yet to find any blessing in that. It is aggravating many of the other diseases, I am afraid to leave my home without a change of clothes. I literally have to bathe several times a day. Even with 2-3 forms of feminine protection in place at one time, I ruin clothes on a regular basis. I carry clothes and plastic bags and peroxide with me all the time.

Seeing as my research is showing many different things about this new part of me, the easiest fix is hysterectomy (or menopause) and I have no insurance--I must continue on with this. Creator has a lesson here. I must learn this lesson and come to terms with the fact my body has a different plan for my life's direction right now.

As sewing, reading, crafting, gardening and canning have always been therapeutic to my soul  maybe its time to delve back in. Time to get back in touch with MY body. Listen and understand what it is trying to tell me.

No Funds-No Surgery

This blog will continue as a source to let women know they are not alone, but I have decided to close the fund raiser and not have the surgery.

I have made choices in my past life that affect my current and future life. One of those was to leave an alcoholic husband. At that point I lost my insurance.

Centennial Women's Hospital has given me a huge a discount from about $35,000.00 to $6,000.00. The surgeon has decided not to charge me. I am very appreciative of these things.

I am a private, self-employed, elder care sitter. This brings in enough to cover my few bills but not enough to save any extra of a large amount. The nature of my work is that eventually my patient will pass to the next world. At that point what little I will have saved up will be needed to pay my bills and gasoline to go interview for another patient.

I have no serious problems with this choice. I have had the rectocele-in its current severe state since the OB used high forceps during the birth of my 3rd child in October 1989. Living with it has become routine for me at this point.

I have a mild cystocele. It is mild and not that bothersome--many women have a severe one and they do just fine without surgery.

As for the adenomyosis--it will go away in twenty years when I go through menopause.

Maybe my lesson here is in patience.  

The Headaches

Yep! That's about what it feels like every morning when I first get up. It becomes bearable after about an hour of being upright. And people wonder why I get up so early. 

They subside after a few hours but will return later in the day--my life has been scheduled around these for years. They are worse during the "period" time (I actually prefer to use the word "moon" but most wouldn't understand that.)

I have always taken spells of just not wanting to be around other people but during these headaches, I am a bear! Stay away from me. I am spending all my energy on not collapsing into a heap on the floor. 

These headaches are caused from being anemic.

The anemia is caused from the adenomyosis.

Please check out all the tabs above! 

Even the doctors! Really?

http://www.natures-blessings.org/PregnancyRebirth.html

When the doctor told me I have Adenomyosis, he told me that the cause is having lots of babies or having heavy babies. I have ten babies that weighed between 8 pounds 14 ounces and 9 pounds 8.5 ounces at birth. He stated the baby being in the womb pushes the endometrial lining into the muscle tissue of the uterus itself.

I have done lots of research since December 2012 and it all, except one website, says that is far from the case. They have no idea what causes it and many of the women with Adenomyosis, are virginal and teen age. Many women have it before or with the very first menses.

He also told me the only treatments are ablation-this where the inside of the entire uterus cauterized with hot water or an electrode. Sometimes you never bleed again, sometimes you do. The only other treatment is removal of the uterus or hysterectomy. Progesterone injections are a temporary fix for some and he did prescribe these for me, every three months as a temporary fix until I could have the surgery done.

Research shows there are many treatments, some invasive some injections, some taken orally and not all involve hormones.

Why does a GYN/OB, one male one female, in this day and age, believe that having babies automatically means you are going to have health issues? That having babies is in and of it self going to ruin a woman's body, when in fact God Himself created a woman's body specifically to carry and give birth to babies?

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e94/tobymutz101/art/kahlo_gaia1.jpg?t=1240356282

Secondary Anemia

Adenomyosis causes anemia from the large loss of blood. This causes you to have other problems such as:

• Fatigue
• Paleness
• Cardiac Problems or Worsening of ones already present
• Chest Pain
• Shortness of breath
• Chills
• Cold hands & feet
• Headaches
• Weakened immune system
• Anxiety
• Irritability or Moodiness
• Inability to Think Clearly
• Constipation
• Tinnitus
• Muscle Cramps

There are many other symptoms-too many to list.

I have fatigue. Just a constant tiredness that never goes away. No matter how many hours you sleep at night or taking a nap--you are still tired. "I'm so tired my tired is tired."

Skin paleness is present for me but most people that don't know me don't notice it. I am dark skinned with an olive complexion. I see it every time I look in a mirror and it is dis-heartening. 

Cardiac problems-for me this is bouts of palpitations. The key is stay calm and not panic, panic only makes it worse. My blood pressure has also lowered. I have taken hypertension meds from age 27 to December 2008. My blood pressure is now normal without medication due to the anemia but with spells of being low enough to make me dizzy and fainting.

Shortness of Breath--Walking any distance has to be paced and even then I need to stop and catch my breath. Taking a load of laundry to the clothes line can totally wind me and its not that far. 

Chills--I have never had chills before unless I was feverish. I now have chills on a regular basis but luckily, so far, I have not developed an over all coldness. It takes me longer to warm back up after getting cold such as going out to feed the chickens, waking out to the mailbox, etc.

Cold Hands & feet--I have recently began wearing socks most of the time. 6 months ago, that was not going to happen, I couldn't stand to have socks on my feet unless I had shoes on--now I need them.

Headaches--I wake up with a headache almost every morning, sometimes in the middle of the night I have to get up due to headaches. 

Weakened Immune System--I am sick more often now and it takes longest to shake a cold or bacterial infection. 

Anxiety--I am not sure if my anxiety levels are higher than before or not, I do worry as all people do but I have always had this place deep down inside that knows all be okay.

Irritability or Moodiness--I am more moody and little things that would never before have bothered me drive me slap a** batty now.

Inability to think clearly--I don't retain things as easily. I don't recall things I know as readily as before. My "think fast on your feet" abilities are all but gone.

Constipation--this occurs more frequently no matter the diet and only adds to severity of the rectocele.

Tinnitus--Ringing in the ears.

Muscle Cramps--Due to the lack of oxygen in the blood and lack of amount of blood to carry the oxygen around, muscles cramp.

Think about these things. Think about living with these things on a daily basis for years. My life is full but not like it should be, all because of Adenomyosis related anemia.

Saving Money--Cloth Menstrual Pads

I was thinking-using as many sanitary napkins and tampons as I do, I could save a lot of money going to cloth and even more if I made them myself.

This is a subject I have researched over the years in the past.

As I was up at 3:00 a.m. with a head cold, I think I'll be productive and do some pattern searching and go through my stash of cloth, see what I can come up with. May need to order some waterproofing for the backs.

Here are the web pages I have found with patterns and/or information and Etsy has lots of patterns and pads for sale.

Adahy's Cloth Pad Patterns There are several patterns here including an 11 inch pad, panty liner, a 8 inch pad & a circular pad. She has done a lot of work and research and it shows. 

Jan Andrea Great picture showing how to lay out your pattern so as to have extreme little waste of cloth when cutting out. Also some patterns.

Instructions for Cloth Menstrual Pads Pattern will need to be enlarged and then follow the simple instructions.

There are lots of other great sites out there. Go ahead-step into the water and do some research and make your own reusable, washable cloth menstrual pads.